I have been struck by a lightning bolt of trauma today. As I mentioned last time, Maddie has been out of town for a couple of weeks for work – which happens from time to time, and as such I have been missing her very much.
She called me on my way to work this morning, and to see her name and face on my phone made me smile so hard. Due to the nature of her work, we can’t talk when that work takes her away.
So to see her call told me she was back – and I was overjoyed.
As per usual, we caught up for our usual lunch when she is back in town, at our normal haunt just near her office. It was so good to see her today.
Then came a bombshell that almost blew me backwards off my seat – she has accepted a secondment to her company’s London office.
For two years.
I am over the moon for her – her career is massively important to her. It took her until her late 30’s to get into the field she had wanted to right from when I first knew her, so every opportunity for her to excel in that career is essential for her to take.
Completely rapt for her.
Two years though?
I won’t see her for two years?
I’ve been apart from her for longer than that before, but it’s really the last 20 years or so when we have been closest, and usually not too far from each other.
Being able to see her, and spend time with her has been the foundation of my life.
I also don’t know what this means for her relationship – is he going too? I don’t know, and I wouldn’t be so brutal as to ask. It’s not about me, and asking that would feel like cheap opportunism.
So, I have to go back to where I’ve been before. Oceans apart.
I will be the very best friend I can be – (which isn’t difficult, to be fair) – and look forward to her coming back.
She doesn’t leave for a few months, so I’m going to make the most of it.
I know what I will do, I know how I will continue to be in her life, and keep her in mine.
My brain is racing, and I’m confused. My heart is breaking tonight, and frankly I’m devastated.