I have been really struggling this last couple of weeks, and as I write this Live Moment post tonight, I’m in a bit of emotional turmoil.
There’s quite a bit of family drama going on at the moment. My mother is in failing health, and we really don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t think she is close to death, but a lot of things are catching up with her at the moment and it is frustrating her – and as such, she is lashing out in many directions.
She has the same form of dementia that Bruce Willis is currently suffering from.
What I am missing, is my rock. My Maddie.
Ordinarily I will call her and talk to her when I am feeling all messed up like this but I can’t at the moment, and I am missing her dreadfully.
Why can’t I reach out?
As is sometimes the case, Maddie is out of town for a few weeks on work business. Her job can take her away from town for weeks at a time sometimes, and the nature of her work doesn’t leave a lot of room for personal communication. She works in a sensitive space.
It’s not new to lose touch with her like this, but it really does suck when I’m feeling like shit and need her counsel. It is actually painful to not be able to reach out to her at the moment.
I’m sure we’ll have a catch-up lunch when she’s back in town – (like we always do after she’s been out of touch for work) – but tonight I’m really hurting.
So, as per usual – I am overthinking and colouring in stories in my head to just function like something resembling a human being.
I’m in the “why do I love Maddie so much, and why can’t I let her go?” space.
Why?
Why should I try?
I know a lot of reasons why I should, and a lot of reasons why I should not.
I should try, but I don’t want to.