The day Maddie came into my life was a magical day, but I have to admit that I don’t remember anything specific about that very first day. Not specific things that were said, nor specific things that happened.
It was just about her, but the detailed memories just aren’t there – they are just vague and disjointed.
The feeling – however – is clear and strong. I was amazed by her, and I couldn’t wait to see her again the next day.
It was complicated enough to be starting high school, and putting other things behind me – that meeting her and trying to understand why I couldn’t keep my eyes off her made it a whirlwind of a day.
It wasn’t just the way she looked either – though I thought she was just beautiful. There was something about her that drew me too her. Did my subconscious mind already know that she would be a part of my life, probably for the rest of it?
Did that possible understanding just link us together forever? Was this that “love at first sight” thing?
I don’t know. I’m not sure I even believe in that stuff – but there’s not a doubt that she deeply affected me from the start.
She still does.
Before long – we were off to an orientation school camp, and it was there I began to notice that maybe there were feelings coming back the other direction from her.
I say maybe, because – (as will be a common theme through this entire site) – I am truly spectacularly bad at picking up signals and messages from women.
I look back right now at a single interaction on that camp – with the benefit of almost 40 years of hindsight. I can see her wanting to talk to me, perhaps about having feelings for me too – because as I close my eyes and picture it now, I can see the smile on her face, and the sparkle in her eyes.
She looks interested.
We were definitely caught in a moment where a lot more could have happened – the mood was there, and despite having quite a few other people around us, that moment was a single connection between herself and me.
A powerful moment that still makes me smile, even if I didn’t know what I was seeing at the time.
Then there was the classroom moment I spoke about in the last post – all of this was within the first few weeks of knowing each other.
Once again with hindsight, there was a connection between us – and before long I believe that I understood inside myself that I was in love – a crush at first, and then love.
I wanted to know everything I could find out about her – my shyness prevented much of that, but I tried as best I could.
We were absolutely friends – I tried whenever it was possible to sit as close to her as possible in classes.
I thought about her all the time. It was also a time I was discovering music, and started relating songs to her. The song I have chosen for this post below – although not even her name – (real or made up for this website) – was new at the time, and as beautiful as she was. I would just change the name in my head whenever I heard it.
I had found my Maddie, and there I was never going to find another girl like her.