I made sure I got to school early that next day. I wanted to wait out the front like I had often done the previous year, just to see her.
I wanted to see her at the earliest possible moment. I made sure I looked my very best – made sure my shirt and tie were perfect. No flecks of fluff or anything else on my blazer.
I stood and I waited.
Experience showed that when she was dropped off at school, it was around 8:25am – maybe a little later, maybe a little earlier.
When 8:35am had come and gone, I was getting nervous. I was confident she was coming back after her best friend had told me so – but what if she was still sick and it would be another day?
This was the moment I really started to understand how much I cared for her.
Yes, it started with a crush.
Yes, it moved to be love – at least in my understanding.
Then it was pain, and now she was sick.
All I wanted to do was be there for her, and look after her. To care for her, and support her. It was absolutely the first loving feeling I had for her beyond that simple schoolboy lust that it quite possibly was before this day.
I needed her to be there so I could be there for her. That she was sick affected me emotionally.
A few minutes later, I finally saw her mother’s car pull up on the far side of the road opposite the school.
My heart fluttered, and I suddenly got very nervous.
After having believed so confidently that she was gone forever, this was almost like meeting her again – but this time knowing who I was about to meet.
Our eyes locked as she approached the front gate, and she smiled that amazing smile that has always made me melt.
It wasn’t really all that long ago that she’d tried to tell me that she loved me – maybe she was still feeling that way? The smile was very warm.
We didn’t say anything to each other as she passed – we didn’t need to. I think our smiles said enough to each other. I know I was over the moon to see her, and she certainly seemed pleased to see me too.
I was still bummed that we weren’t in the same class group as each other – so I wouldn’t get to see her all day like I said during that first year. But at least I would see her every day, and at least we would have a chance to interact again.
Only a few more moments passed that morning, before I made a decision.
I had hated how I had felt over those holidays. Brokenhearted and lonely, and I knew if I ever had to feel that way over Maddie ever again, she would know how I felt.
She had to know now. I had to tell her. I needed her to see.
I didn’t know how I was going to tell her – but I never wanted to feel that way ever again. I had to find a way.
As it would turn out, however – it would not go well.
Now was the time, now was the moment – but now was when it all started to go wrong.