It was a hard time for me.
I was sad, and in many ways depressed that Maddie had now seemingly slipped away from me forever, given she was getting married. It just seemed that she was completely out of reach now.
At the same time I also felt a little bit free. I had obviously always loved her, and probably always would.
Yet something always got in the way of us – and usually it was me that got in the way.
I was never against moving on with someone other than Maddie – the smattering of attempted and failed relationships I had been through told me internally that I could do that, but the disasters that most of those became always brought me back to her in the end.
So as sad and depressed as I was initially, I did feel better that all of those questions I needed to ask Maddie had finally been answered, albeit indirectly.
Could we ever be together? No, she’s getting married.
Did she love me? Yes, but not in that way, at least not any longer.
Could I move on? Yes, but I couldn’t see the path right now, and I needed to clear my head anyway.
I needed time to heal, yet I felt there would always be a connection between Maddie and myself.
My family would spend every Boxing Day with my mother’s family – in another nearby city. So we would all pile into the car and head that way from about mid-morning every year.
There’s a long straight stretch of road on the highway between the two cities, about five kilometres long, with a gentle curve at each end.
We rounded the bend, and briefly afterwards another car appeared at the far end, just rounding the bend about five kilometres away. There were no other cars visible in either direction.
Immediately I thought that it was Maddie, which was plainly stupid. How could I know that?
She was still on my mind, our coffee date being only a couple of weeks before, so I was probably just pining and wishing.
As the two cars got closer together, I got a little more curious. As the other car got closer, the pieces started to fall in to place.
It was the right colour.
It was the right make and model.
The two cars passed, and it absolutely was Maddie.
I was floored – there was no way I could have known it was her, but somehow I did know.
I knew in that moment that there would always be a connection between us. I was so in tune with her that I just knew it was her.
What I didn’t know was that brief moment was the last time I would see her for nearly another eight years.
And just how much would happen before then.