It would be pretty easy to be pretty negative and down on the world at this stage in my story.
I’ve been reading back over the last couple of weeks of posts, and in reminding myself of what I went through during those years, I remember some of the very dark places I existed in at those times.
There have been women in my life that have hurt me badly and many men would I suspect be bitter and angry towards women who have put them through things like that.
Not me.
With the exception of the “no-named psychopath” from my last post, I hold no malice toward any of them. Some are still in my circle of friends. April and Amber are there. Even Shannon is a “from time-to-time” acquaintance.
Others – like Jennifer and Sarah – I’m long past any anger that I felt for them, though there was a lot at the time. Despite that I have no desire to interact with them now.
I’ve seen Sarah a few times in public over the years, but we’ve never made anything but brief eye contact and continued on our way.
Why am I not angry though?
Well, really, where does anger get you?
Each of my bad romances ended, and ended for a reason.
Did I do something I shouldn’t have done? Did I not do something that I should have done?
I don’t know, and I don’t believe in regrets. Are there things in my life I would do differently the second time around?
Absolutely – but that’s not regret, that’s accepting and learning the lessons that life has tossed my way. I am proud of who I am as a person, and despite a life time of struggling with depression, depression in many cases ignited by some of these personal situations – I have accepted the lessons.
Things didn’t just end for me in those relationships. Things ended for them too.
Certainly I might have taken them harder at the time, but things just have a habit of working out the way that they are meant to.
Those relationships all ended so that I could grow through the experience and be a better person the next time around.
Be ready for the right person when she appears, and make sure that I am available to her when she does. I would never want to stay in a relationship with anyone who was past wanting to be in a relationship with me.
I would want it to end.
It would be so easy to be angry with all of those who have hurt me, but I am who I am today through learning what they had to teach me, so I thank them for those lessons.
I still struggle with loneliness – but not through the pain of losing them – but through the yearning to find that person I am meant to be with.
I am still on that journey – and that time will come.