It has just gone 8pm in Eastern Australia, and just past 11am in London. Maddie and I have just been on the phone for about four hours, just talking.
Thank heavens for internet calling – 30 years ago that would have cost a small fortune!
Sunday is usually my quiet day, where I take it easy doing a few odd jobs around the house, and even spend time napping, restoring energy for the upcoming new work week.
Even my son hasn’t been here this week, he’s spending a couple of weeks back in Victoria with his mother. As such it has been extra quiet and extra relaxing.
It was in the middle of one of my naps that Maddie called me.
“Hi Andrew…………………..I miss you…”
“Maddie, I miss you too, so so much..”
We didn’t speak about anything specifically, it was just catching up.
We talked about all the hassles she’s had getting herself set up over there. She actually starts working tomorrow, so she’s planning a quiet Sunday too to recharge for the first day of her new career stage.
I’m so proud of her.
Life still feels so broken to me though. It always feels like it’s not all that far away from a time we could be together. I think we both know that we have enough between us where it could easily work.
She’s over there. I’m over here. Her man is still over here.
And then my shoulders slump.
He’s supposed to join her in London in a few months, and I guess I am jealous.
No, actually, I really am jealous. I have to start admitting that to myself.
But as I’ve said a lot of times, I will never get in their way. I will never cause her pain by being the cause of that relationship breaking down. I care about her too much to interfere.
Yet, that leaves me on the outside looking in. Looking in with respect for what she has, but with a deep pain in my heart for what I can’t have.
I wonder what would happen if I just got on a plane and went to visit?
My heart says yes.
My head says no.
It’s just my ongoing cycle of torment.