Christmas 2025 has been an interesting vibe in my head. Maddie and I spoke on the phone for about an hour on Christmas Day, and that filled my heart with joy.
Yet I just wish I could hug her tightly, even though that’s impossible right now.
I don’t often get home to Victoria to see family and friends, but this year I decided to do so, and headed back to my home town for the first time in a long time. I had moved interstate for work not too long after Dad passed away, and not long after that Maddie followed me.
I say “followed me” not because she was sticking close to me, but her work took her interstate as well, and we were about the only person each of us knew in our new city. Which is why we have gotten even closer over the last five years.
I saw family, I saw old friends, and it was great.
I also drove around in the rental car looking at special places in my life, as I was feeling nostalgic. I drove past the family home – (which was sold not long after Dad left us) – and it has changed quite a bit.
It was the house Maddie and I had called each other any number of times and had many warm conversations – but she never actually visited it.
I drove past her family home too, and it had barely changed. I remembered the night of her 21st birthday, and how it made me feel. Yet I also remembered how naive I was that night, when I didn’t understand she was seeing someone.
I also stopped by our old school, which always welcomes back old students. I went to the spot where Maddie had told me she loved me, so many years ago.
I reveled in the warm feeling of being back in that space, and remembering that moment – but I cried.
I don’t know if they were happy tears, sad tears, emotional tears, or distraught tears. It was probably a combination of all of them.
I miss that time, and I miss Maddie.
But I’m glad I went and visited that place – or was I just visiting that time?